by Portia deRossi
My rating: 4 of 5 stars
I have read alot of reviews from readers who have started a book with high expectations, whether from hype or great past experience with the author, only to be roundly disappointed, and who are then left wondering if their feelings were colored by the high hopes they had for the book. With Unbearable Lightness, I found myself in the somewhat inverse circumstance, yet faced with the same question. I went into this book with exceedingly low expectations: a celebrity memoir (sigh), with an emphasis on her journey through an eating disorder (I have read a wealth of those sort of books and thought there was not much new to add). Surprise, surprise, though, I ended up reading this one in essentially one sitting because I liked it so much. Now, did I like it so much because I expected so little? As with the first scenario, I cannot know for sure. But, no matter, the bottom line is that I thought this book was very very good.
As an adult, Portia deRossi has weighed 82 pounds and 168 pounds all in the same year. In this candid memoir, she recounts the journey from the self-loathing that led her into the depths of a life-threatening eating disorder, to the self-acceptance that allowed her to recover and live a full and happy life as a healthy, gay woman. She lays bare the feelings of insecurity and never measuring up that caused her to reinvent herself to fit the image of the thin, heterosexual Hollywood actress, because she did not feel she could simply be who she was and be loved.
Before I began this book, I knew Portia deRossi primarily as Ellen DeGeneres' wife. I knew she was an actress, and I had a vague image in my mind of what she looked like. However I never watched either of the TV shows in which she had a recurring role: Ally McBeal and Arrested Development, and I can't recall ever seeing her in a movie. But deRossi's fame was not an element in this book: she was writing her story as an individual, not as a famous actress. And therein may lie the explanation for why this book worked for me when celebrity books usually do not.
The book has a wonderful intimate tone -- there are no histrionics here -- that made me feel as though she was sitting in the room talking to me. She writes her story as an individual, who just happens to be a famous actress. I believe that this compelling personal account of one woman's battle to not just accept who she is, but to embrace that person, speaks to us non-celebrities as well who fight our own insecurity demons on a daily basis.
While this is one of those eating disorder stories that has a happy ending, there is not a lot of detail about her recovery process. She suggests that what turned the tide for her was when she decided to eat whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted it, erasing all notions of "good" and "bad" foods. Frankly, this was the one part of the book that did not work for me. It simply did not seem plausible that after a lifetime of obsessing about what she could and could not eat, that one day she would suddenly allow herself to do that, and never look back. I have to believe there was more to the process than that, and I wish that she had included greater detail on that point.
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33 comments:
I've heard this book is very good. I can't imagine starving yourself to that point. I'm glad she's found a place where she's comfortable with who she is.
The only thing I've seen Portia in was the short-lived, but amazing TV series Better Off Ted. Her character in that show was brilliant. Sounds like an interesting read - I'm glad you enjoyed it.
What an interesting book this is - weight problems, dieting problems, and also gender issues. I'm glad you found the book a good one. It does sound quite complex.
I don't often have the patience for celebrity memoirs, and for some reason, this book has never really appealed to me. I also don't understand how she could have gotten over such a serious eating disorder by just deciding one day not to care about it anymore. That doesn't seem to make much sense. Before reading your review I would have avoided this book, but now I am slightly curious. Great review today, and thanks for being so honest about what did and didn't work for you!
This is a subject that is very close to my heart. I have to agree, I really wouldn't have expected an insightful memoir on ED coming from someone who I kind of consider famous for being married to someone famous (but then again, I didn't watch either of the shows she's best known for either). Thanks for the great review -- I will definitely pass it on!
I have wanted to read this book, but just haven't managed to work it in. Hopefully soon! Good review!
Hmmm. This sounds like one I might enjoy. I used to watch Ally McBeal, so that is what I always associate her with. Another one to look for at the library, thanks :D
I loved her on Ally McBeal, great show! Enjoyed your review, and agree about celebrity memoirs, glad you were surprised for the better! I'm adding this one to the never ending list.
Well, sheesh! it was sounding interesting but, like you, I have a hard time believing she just suddenly changed like that. Still, it might be worth a read.
I loved her in Arrested Development, but I didn't know she suffered from that disease.
This is very interesting to me. Portia is one, Australian gone to the US celebs, that we no longer seem to hear too much about here in Australia, even though she is married to such a prominent woman. I agree that low, or no, expectations come into what we finally think of a book - but that can't be helped can it? I find the same with films. I would not have thought of reading this book, but you have changed my mind. Nice to know it is not the same ol' same ol' :)
I have to admit that I am one of the people who didn't love this book. While I agree that her writing voice is very casual and easy-going I found that the pace was extremely slow and a little monotonous. Also, her recovery, while wonderful, was glossed over right at the end. I suppose I was expecting the book to be more about her recovery (and her life with Ellen). Oh those nasty preconceived notions!! I am glad you liked it. I loved reading your review even though we weren't totally in sync. :)
I had to google her name -- I've never heard of her and her photos didn't look familiar either. Oh well.
I don't normally read celebrity memoirs, but I do give them a chance every once in a while. I'm disappointed that the keys to her recovery were not detailed. Yes, I'm sure there is a psychological component of committing to recovery, but I doubt it was a simple as that.
It’s not a book I’d read out of choice I must admit. Not to bury my head in the sand but it doesn’t appeal to me. There’s a coulmn in The Times newspaper every week “An Apple a Day” written very candidly about a recovering anorexic who needs to gain weight in order to conceive. The point being that she never says she has fully recovered, so I share your scepticism about the book.
I remember Portia deRossi from Ally McBeal and thinking she was so beautiful - I never would have guessed she had an eating disorder.
Thanks for this fine, in depth review.
Hmmm.. the ending might not be so unlikely as you think. Sometimes people just had enough at a point and then they flip at switch. It sounds like an interesting read :)
I have seen so many positive reviews of this. It's very promising that she told it as an individual and not as a celebrity.
I remember when this book came out and she was doing interviews..she seemed to real and honest about it all. This is one memoir I am temped to read.
I didn't know Portia deRossi had written a book! Thanks for the post!
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The name didn't sound familiar to me, either, but I'd have a hard time accepting that after years of suffering, she just decides to stop thinking of 'good' and 'bad' foods and simple eat anything.
I know who she is but didn't know about her ED. It sounds like an interesting book but I'd want to know what brought about her change of how she ate whatever she wanted. I'm glad she did but I'd like to know how.
This sounds depressing-I had a friend that was anoerexic and I tell you it was exhausting-there was nothing you could do to help her.
I was a big fan of Ally McBeal and especially of Portia deRossi. I love books about people overcoming their demons and this one sounds like a good one. Anorexia is probably like alcoholism...you hit bottom and one day realize you don't want to live your life that way anymore.
This is a wonderful review. Sadly, this kind of self-loathing is shared by woman after woman. Maybe they don't go to the extremes of anorexia or bulimia, but they get plastic surgery and spend tons of money on makeup and hair care and clothes to try and 'be' someone who is admired. It seems like the late 60s-early70s has lingered only with a few who came of age then - when we believed in the naturalness of appearance, that we were beautiful or handsome just because of who we were. I feel like women have taken a big step backward. I didn't mean this to be a rant, but it is something I believe in very strongly. I feel we live in a very artificial world in some ways.
wow - within the same year she doubled (or halved) her weight?
I had similar thoughts to your when I first heard about this book. Another celebrity memoir that I could skip. I'm taken by how impressed you were with her story, and I'll have to flip through it at the bookshop to see if it might be a good pick for me, too.
I knew this book was out but wasn't sure I was interested. Her writing it as an individual rather than a celebrity or Ellen's partner is tempting. For some reason, I just assumed this one would be another glitzy ridiculous book about Hollywood. May see if this one is at the library.
Thanks for the review. I may want to pick this up. I remember her from Ally McBeal and she was soooo thin. This was a really great and honest review. Enjoyed reading it.
I've seen deRossi in a few shows and she's a great actress but it's hard to believe doubling/halving your weight in a year. And troubling that there wouldn't be more in the book about her recovery. I appreciate your honest review! Sounds like the good might outweigh the bad on this one.
I did watch Ally and Arrested Development and love Portia's style. It was later that I admired her for falling for the very funny Ellen. I think I would really enjoy this memoir. Thanks for the great review.
Thanks for the review. I never saw deRossi on any shows and only knew of her as Ellen's wife. Sounds like this book may be better than I would expect.
Hope you have a very Merry Christmas!
I loved to hate her in Ally McBeal! She always seemed like a bit of a cold fish to me, but that may be due to her insecurities. It's nice to know she's made a great recovery and is in a happy place.
I've always been curious about this book. I watched her on Ally MacBeal and always liked her. This is one I may give a try one of these days. I agree though, more detail on the recovery process would have made for a better read.
Does sound interesting. I only knew her as Ellen's wife too. My sister-in-law was anorexic. Very sad. She did recover though and is a beautiful woman with 2 kids now. Merry Christmas!
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